Youre awake, he said simply, period. Yeah, i slept right through the night, period. I know, he said softly. Lower case on the. The doctor walked into the room. How did she walk into the room? Were her footsteps loud, so they heard before she stepped in, or were they so soft that it was like a sneak attack? Again, add something she did before explaining his actions.
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He asked, how did he ask? You were driving through the light and bound a drunk driver flew through the red light and slammed into your car, period not a comma. He tried to smile but found it hard to at this time. Why did he find it hard? Was it the after shock? In the other ambulance. Hes not in very good shape, period. Well, hopefully hell be all right, period. I have to get back to the station benefits and let everyone know youre all right, period. He half hoped Greg would stop by, whats this guys relationship with him?
Explain why Grissom would biography never forgive him, is he a punctual, controlling man? Describe like weve never heard of his character before. There was a squeal of tires on asphalt, i think you should include something like suddenly or abruptly to show that this happened to him. For a moment I was confused about what was happening, and I think that would increase a better flow. In the next paragraph elaborate how hes feeling. But he almost died; I think thats going to bring up a lot. Maybe he blacked out? Are you all right?
She would most likely have a freak or turn the situation into her hands, most likely dumping him. Again, how presentation does he feel? The dude just broke up with his girlfriend; you can list easily elaborate on the feelings that are passing through his mind. The reader doesnt know much about him, about their relationship, and for all we know he could be stunned with happiness, or maybe hes suicidal? We dont know whats going on through your mind; we dont know how anyone looks, what the setting looks like, or how they feel. You must explain this. Grissom would never forgive him. Was Grissom his boss?
Was he angry, happy, did it hurt him? Wait, he said, getting out of the truck. He would be a lower case, if in the dialogue there is a comma than the following word is always a lower case. At least let me give you a ride home. When you talk about her action afterward, its almost like shes saying. If youre using dialogue, try to add what that person did afterwards, not what the person they were talking to did. I cant impose on you like that, She said, It would be a period, not a comma. Also, in that paragraph, i find it a tad odd that she would let it go so easily. When someones controlling they absolutely despise when things are in their hands, mainly out of their control.
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Nick stared at her for a long time. I think you could go into more detail, how did she say it? How did he feel? So housekeeping far all youve described are the sole actions of each person; real however you never touch up on how they feel. Mikayla, i dont want to hurt you, he said.
Period not a comma. I can see ive hurt you, though, She said softly. That would be a period, and I think you should get rid of the though, mostly because that would imply in the next sentence she will add on to the fact, but she really doesnt. She turned to walk away. Again, describe her facial expressions. Describe how he felt seeing. Was she pissing herself laughing?
Theyre big, bright, and colorful. The big head/small body design choice is reminiscent of another social games company whose name starts with z and ends with a, but its all pleasant enough to look. The question is whether or not youll want to stick around. Royal Story long enough to see what it offers beyond that initial dose of eye candy. Layout and Summary: Well, the layout really gives off the whole teeny bob high school love story feel, with the pink, purple and blue. You said it was slash, though it seems too girly for.
The summary is also quite vague, which is good in a sense but it doesnt really do much to draw a reader in, this entire thing is based on a relationship however you dont even hint at it in the summary. Its just about someone getting into a car crash? Story: In the second paragraph I think you should change flung to rip or tore, mostly because you already used the verb flung in the first sentence, and then the word just becomes mundane after several uses. Look, mikayla, im sorry, but I dont think i can go out with you anymore if youre going to be this controlling, he said. That would be a period not a comma. Nick, im not being controlling, youre just not listening to me, so i have to do stuff myself!
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Youre stuck tending to your tiny plot of land until the game decides its time for you to grow your kingdom—but striking out into the unknown takes a great deal of tedious preparation, which includes manufacturing, growing, and collecting a bunch of food items. You also need to pay an expensive toll in order to get going. Unsurprisingly, you can cough up the games hard currency (in this case, rubies) to get the job done, but the cost of instantly completing each individual task is exorbitant. You start the game with three rubies, and freebies dont come easy. If you want more rubies, youre going to have to whip out your credit card. But, royal Story isnt a bad game; its average. Granted, you may as well say its bad because facebook already offers a thousand million games exactly like it, not the least of which is Zyngas own. It goes without saying that, royal Story will find its own dedicated legs user base that will cling to the title for a time, but if youre honestly ready to move on from planting, gathering, harvesting, and small stores of energy that are quickly depleted. okay, maybe theres one thing: Its graphics.
Your job is to build your inheritance back up to its former glory by clearing away land, planting crops, tending to animals, and brewing coffee. No, seriously: Early in the game, you grow and harvest coffee beans and feed them into a percolator that you assemble from presenter sticks and stones. Take a hike, tassimo. We know your secret. The items you cultivate, including vegetables, animal products, and your sticks-and-stones coffee, can be sold for coins. Its more likely that everything you make will go back into completing quests, however, since the game wont let you progress until youve built up a huge store of resources. What kind of liege even thinks of expanding his territory before hes stockpiled 15 wheels of cheddar cheese? Indeed, one of the biggest problems with. Royal Story is that it takes ages for anything interesting to happen.
Youre basically looking at another resource-gathering freemium title thats admittedly solid, but unimaginative. Royal Story makes an attempt at narrative, but. Game of Thrones this is not. You are a prince (or princess heir to a kingdom thats fallen under a curse.
Polygon's 2015 Games of the year 1: Her Story. wallace, kimberley a tale to keep you up At Night her Story. Schilling, Chris Her Story, review. parkin, simon Her Story review. VG247 (4 December 2015). The guardian (24 December 2015). Future plc (31 December 2015). hurley, leon The golden assignment joystick Awards: all the winners this year. When you hear the words royal Story, what do you think of?
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The guardian (27 February 2015). Future plc (29 September 2015). kemph, calvin Her Story: The unreliable narrator. Thunderbolt (29 September 2015). Gamer father's Network (9 February 2015). Ubm (17 February 2016). muncy, jake heavily redacted Tweet teases a her Story sequel. 1 2 Sarkar, samit The witcher 3 takes top honors at yet another award show, the sxsw gaming Awards.